Finding Restoration...Today Anyway...

I am on spring break this week - FABULOUS. I love sleeping in - having time to clean - having time to catch up on my dvr'd shows -  Here is the whole truth - While all of my co-workers and student's families have these memorable vacations or even just time together - hanging out and watching tv- I am here. alone. visiting my friends who just had beautiful babies. then returning home. to be alone. again. I am NOT writing this to envoke your feelings of sadness and pity. I am writing because I want you to understand how this feels.  How infertility feels.  I spent the last two hours reading a book about adoption - playing every possible scenario of domestic and international adoption - of how I will ward off people's prejudice if we adopt a child of a different race.  I spent the last few days trying to find some certainty.  I spent Friday evening looking in the newborn window on the labor and delivery floor - trying to figure out how I will make it if I never get to look through that window at MY beautiful bundle of joy. Alas - this is the journey of infertility.  I am one of the lucky ones.  I have an amazing group of supportive friends and family.  I go to a girl's bible study each Tuesday - I am inspired by Beth Moore's words of encouragement- I am on a journey to find joy, peace, restoration... Here is an amazing video I found my infertility blog. A little sad - but that is the reality of infertility...
What IF from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.