Post Surgery

So the deed is done. We were at the surgery center for most of Friday. When I went back to see him in post op, I (of course) almost passed out and the nurse had to bring ME orange juice. AWESOME...I am the best wife ever... After that, I pretty much got it together and got Chad ready to go home. With the help of his wonderful nurse, we got him in the car and started our journey home. Poor Chad didn't have such a great ride home - and it didn't help that we were stuck in traffic for most of the ride. As we drew nearer to our house, I was trying to think of the best plan to get him in the house. He was having a really hard time walking because of his incision. I had made up my mind to drive up on our front lawn - that way he would only have to get up three steps, but Chad had other plans. He said that he "didn't want tire marks in the yard"....so we went the normal way, and Chad made it up all six steps to the couch. Hooray!!! Once I got him on the couch, he passed out for a little while - which was convenient because I had to go and pick up his pain medicine - not to mention, get things that he may be able to eat. I didn't even THINK about the fact that he wouldn't be able to eat. I had a successful trip, and arrived at home loaded down with sprite, jello, bread, ginger ale, etc... It took a few hours for him to be able to eat or drink anything, but once the nausea went away - it was much better. One jello and a half of piece of bread later, he had a pain pill. The rest of the night was a blur....ice packs on and off every 20 minutes...pain pills every six hours...dogs out, fed, watered, given treats...P.S. I can't imagine having to do this with kiddos. WOw. How do people do it?
So we made it through out first night, second night, and we are having a much better day today. Chad has been able to walk to the bathroom by himself, eat, and even managed to take his bandage off and take a shower. He is amazing, and has kept such a great sense of humor the whole time. I am just SO thankful for such an amazing husband who is willing to endure all of this.
The doctor said that we should not even think about doing any testing (to see if this worked) until January. He said our chances that this will work are 50% - which are actually better odds than IVF, SO here we go again, waiting and waiting. In the meantime, we are going to try and enjoy our favorite season (Fall) together. My fall break is coming and I get to go and visit my family!!!!! HOOOOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Then we have a huge craft fair, so I have GOT to get busy making some jewelry and art. Then, we are expecting a big crew for Thanksgiving. In the meantime, we are finishing a garage renovation (to a bonus music room), and getting a bedroom ready in the case that this works and we need to start planning. So...there is my update...I feel good about where we are, and what is to come. The waiting is just the hardest part. :)

The What Ifs....

This month marks 3 years that we have actively been trying to get pregnant. How do I feel about that...Hmm...I think you know. Read a couple of posts...I am working on finding that bright sunny place again....

So with our upcoming surgery on Friday, all I have been able to focus on are the "what ifs"...I am trying to just let it be- have a positive outlook, and trust the God has a plan...BUT at the same time - we don't want to get our hopes up in the case that this is a total bust. In one minute, I feel SO EXCITED that Baby Chalos might actually be a possibility....In the next, I feel like I am in despair over the fact that it may not work. UGH. I miss my old self...The one where I was a rock emotionally. I would like to stop complaining. Sounds SO easy, right? NO...ITS NOT. Not when babies are in your every thought. So...Maybe on a happy note, I will show you some idea of what we would like to do for a baby's room...if this works.

So...We are in love with both of these crib sets...Here are our top two choices...

Litto Kids Silly Owl Bedding - Found at modernnursery.com

Here is another choice...

Macaroni Canary Crib Set from moddecor.com

So...The first option has really cute little owls in a pattern...SUPER modern...The second is just bright and cheery. This is what I spend my time on...when I am feeling positive...Trying to find a balance...We'll see how the goes.

P.S. Everytime I write, I feel like I am having personal verbal diarrhea...then I remember that this is my coping mechanism and it is all mine...and if it makes you sad or angry or you are tired of me complaining, then DON'T READ IT. We can still be friends. I will probably never even know. :)

Hopefully next time I write, it will be with good news.

Will it before you can FEEL it....

So after a pretty down week, I had a FABULOUS night at my girl's bible study tonight. I feel like I have lost a lot of hope in the past weeks - been overwhelmed by my loved ones and their baby blessings - and sat around feeling sorry for myself. In the chapter that we read tonight, Beth Moore talked about how we can't or don't just change how we feel about something. BUT we can change how we think about it. That is my personal mission for the next few months. She said you have to "will it, before you can feel it"....So here goes.... I am willing myself to have faith - to believe that their is a greater plan - to know that God has an amazing family in store for us. Chad has surgery next week. This could be a HUGE answer to all of our prayers. We are trying SO hard not to count on it, but hoping for the best results possible. Here is to hope, strong will, and perseverance - to seeing the bigger picture - to appreciating all of my blessings.

Finally....Some Happy News...

SO Chad and I recently took a much needed trip to our urologist- and got some REALLY great news!!! Chad was diagnosed with a condition called varicocele. This condition causes many problems for men- the most common is infertility. The wonderful news is that the Dr. can operate and resolve this issue. After this surgery, the doctor was pretty enthusiastic in telling us that we could get pregnant without ivf...WOW. We are so elated with the news, however we have gotten SO much bad news in the past 6 months. We don't want to get too excited in the case that this doesn't work. But deep down, I am praying/hoping/counting on this surgery. What a miracle it would be if we could get pregnant without the help of a fertility specialist! So another journey begins. Chad goes back on the 23rd to set a date for his surgery. We are praying for success with little to no pain. We are praying that Baby Betty or Baby Harrison will be on their way soon.

Where do we go from here....

I am writing this now with such a heavy heart. When will I feel normal again???? We have been feeling like maybe we need to explore our adoption options. I have spent COUNTLESS hours pouring over research and information from different agencies. I found out today that because of the anxiety meds that my hubby takes - we are ineligible for most international adoption. Seriously. So frustrating--- Then I think, well maybe this is God's way of telling us, we need to plan for IVF...So I do research on IVF with ICSI (which is what we would have to do because of our infertility issues) - The percentages are just not good. So what do we do? I try really hard not to be sad about what we are going through- but it is SO hard. Anytime I see a baby- talk about baby things- hang with my friends and their children- It is a constant reminder. I wish my yearn for a baby would just go away.

Just When I Think I have my emotions under control...

Tonight, during our Marraige on the Rock class, we were discussing money. This is CLEARLY an area in which we have lots of room for improvement. HOWEVER - We have worked really hard to get to where we are. All of that to say that my greatest fear in making a decisions about IVF or Adoption is that we won't be able to pay for it. IVF costs about 14000. There is no payment plan- you just write them a big fat check the day of the procedures. AND the chance that it will work is a whopping 45%. WOW. International Adoption (the only kind we will consider) is 30000. It can take up to 6 years at the most.
We have considered and prayed. The pros for IVF is that we can actually have a child that has our genetic structure. How amazing. The con is that, there is a 55% chance that it will NOT WORK. How very devastating. Pros for International adoption - We get to give a child a future that they would never be able to have without us. Cons- Let's be honest...The kid could be crazy, have some insane medical problems that weren't detected, AND IT COSTS 30000. How is the world would be pay for that? YET tonight I heard the most amazing story from a woman who is oblivious to my situation. She was unable to get pregnant and decided to pursue adoption. After exploring all of her options, she and her husband through much prayer, decided that they would adopt a little boy from Korea. At that time the cost was 20000. They had 200 in their savings. Over nine months, God miraculously provided 18700 to them. They said they had no idea how that happened. The week that they got their son, their finances somehow returned to normal. WOW. God provides. I know that he does.
Chad and I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I have felt little to no confirmation about one choice or the other. Chad has felt a heavy pull toward adoption. Now I just pray constantly for God to give me some answer....some feeling...so that I know that we are making choices that are in the center of his will. Was hearing this story a coincidence tonight? Or was it God speaking through one of his people to tell us that he will provide? How do I know?

wedding dress - $600, photographer-$2000, Wedding Cake- $800...My sister's perfect wedding - Priceless

So I just returned from an exhaustingly amazing trip to Georgia to help my sister get married. We worked as many hours as possible- sometimes putting in 19 hour days...It was SOOO worth it. Her wedding was a beautiful union of two people from VERY different backgrounds, joining together in innocence and love. I really enjoyed the rehearsal dinner- including the entertainment for the evening as well as the photo booth at the reception. The photographer had a white board on which you could write messages for the bride and groom- then take a picture. Let's just say that we may need a sensor on some of our pics. :) All of this to say, I love my sister SO much, and I am SO happy for her.
While I was down, I was able to meet with a couple of girls to begin to plan our 10 YEAR REUNION..... How is that even possible? I feel like I graduated high school, blinked, and ten years went by. I am, however, very excited to catch up with several long lost friends. I have been gone for 10 years, and have missed out on so much of their lives. Well...that is about it for now. I am off to see my amazing husband plan on his not so amazing softball team.