Today is a sad day.

It is one of those days where I woke up and baby was on my mind. I turned on the tv - A Baby Story. (Did I watch it? Of course, Why would I have the sense to change the channel? ) I got on facebook - and apparently it was on everybody else's mind too...I got updates on all of my prego friends, and even got an email from motherhood maternity. WONDERFUL. I went to lunch with my husband- babies everywhere...Then I went and tortured myself by looking in (you guessed it) Target's baby section. What in the world is wrong with me? I cried all the way to my hair appointment- got it together enough to go and get my hair cut - then cried all the way home. I love my pregnant friends SO much, and I would NEVER want them to feel like they can't talk to me about their pregnancy or what is coming up in their life - but it is REALLY difficult to watch their baby bump grow. I want a baby bump. I want to buy maternity and baby clothes. I want to go to lamaz classes. But instead, I get a once a month reminder of what I don't have. I get to watch the ones I love obtain all of these things, and try to maintain a reasonable emotional balance. Sometimes it just SUCKS. I REALLY am trying to fill my time with other things. It is just hard. Really hard. No one understands unless they have gone through this. Please don't give me the line- It will happen. YOU DON'T KNOW. IT HASN'T HAPPENED SO FAR. IT MIGHT NOT HAPPEN. This is a VERY sucky reality, but I HAVE to be able to handle it if it becomes our reality.