Short and Sweet

I am so very thankful for the amazing "family" that we have in our small group. Thank you Jesus for your provision of friends who can pray you through what you can't speak.

Answers. Finally.

It has been an unbelievable battle to get some results out of these people. SO my extremely persistent husband called every hour on the hour to our urologist office until they finally faxed us the results. We have YET to speak with a doctor, but we did have our last results so we compared. What we were hoping and praying to see an increase in normal shape and motility...Unfortunately based on the results, there has been no change in motility, and very little change in the shape. We are hoping that the very small increase in shape means something...Basically we will most likely (short of a miracle) be unable to conceive naturally. So - not what we had hoped to hear. So now we pray for peace and perseverance to help us get through this time. We have basically drained all of our resources in the last year - so we will be spending the next year on a tight budget and eating a lot of raman. :) I am praying for a positive attitude and endurance. It is SO easy to get angry, frustrated, and bitter about this journey - watching how easy it is for so many people to conceive - and to realize how much money we will be spending on a chance to conceive. Most couples could put that money toward a college fund, bigger house, or savings account for their child but not us. What we are praying for in the next year - is an amazing chance to grow our marriage into a pillar of strength - more than it has already...
I heard a song the day we got our results - by a couple of our friends -Jeremy and Jennifer... (They are in a little band that you may have heard of called FFH)...Here are the lyrics...

"So this is what it feels like to walk the wilderness
This is what it feels like to come undone
This is what it feels like to lose my confidence
Unsure of anything and anyone

So this is what it feels like to walk the desert sand
This is what it feels like to hear my name
To be scared to death 'cause I am all alone
But feel love and peace just the same

This may not be the road I would choose for me
But it still feels right somehow
'Cause I have never felt You as close to me
As I do right now
This is what it feels like to be led"

This is my song for now - my prayer. Thank you for all of your prayers and support. We couldn't do this without the amazing friends and family that we have.

Quick Update

So just a quick update - San Diego was AMAZING-BEAUTIFUL-RELAXING-and PERFECT!! I had lots and lots of alone time to think through everything that we have been going through - but there were also SO many things to do so that I could be busy if I wanted to. I did all touristy things possible - zoo, trolley tour, Old Town(original SanDiego), Coronado Island, etc... I was also SO very lucky to spend the evenings with my hubby and enjoy the sights that I found during the day. Everyone walks everywhere, is laid back, and there is a healthy eating option in EVERY restaurant. I loved all of those things. Only downfall - My allergies kicked in about two days into being there, so I was taking benadryl every night and passed out. I am still trying to get well.

As has been the pattern in the past, we are STILL waiting to hear from our clinic. My hubs had a very frustrating experience when he went on my birthday. They insisted on calling my gyno with the results. Just fyi, my gyno has NO idea what or where we are in this process. The only thing that she knows is that she referred us ONE YEAR ago. I called to chat about the reasoning behind this - and our clinic said that she was the one who requested this - which is a TOTAL fabrication. Our RE and urologist both requested this SA. Also, they said that we were new patients of our RE's. I informed them that we have been seeing our RE for over a Year - and have spent LOTS of time and money at the clinic. They didn't even remember Chad's name from when he came to the clinic THIRTY MINUTES earlier. Needless to say - I am so frustrated. This is not the first time we have had a negative experience with Nashville Fertility Clinic. All of that to say - We will be switching specialists once we get the results. I will update once we have gotten results and have made some decisions. Either way- Thank you SO much for your encouragement and positive comments. We are going to make it through this year just like we have the last three years - hoping we can make it through with more assurance, a greater faith, and an unending peace.